


She'd be so proud

by portiadevorak



Category: Doctor Who, Doctor Who & Related Fandoms, Doctor Who (2005), Doctor Who (TV Movie 1996)
Genre: Angst, Anorexia, Awesome Donna Noble, Bad Wolf Rose Tyler, Donna Noble Deserved Better, Donna is Donna, Eating Disorders, F/M, Jack being Jack, M/M, Mentioned Metacrisis Tenth Doctor, Mentioned The Doctor/The Doctor's TARDIS, Metacrisis Doctor (Doctor Who), Multi, Other, POV Tenth Doctor, Rose Tyler Loves the Doctor, Tenth Doctor/Rose Tyler Reunion, The Doctor & Donna Noble Friendship, The Doctor Has Different Companions (Doctor Who), The Master Has Issues (Doctor Who), Trig - Freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-11-05
Updated: 2020-04-12
Packaged: 2021-02-01 01:42:02
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 11
Words: 7,358
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21318994
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/portiadevorak/pseuds/portiadevorak
Summary: The Doctor will change everything he is to be good enough for Rose, even if the cost is himself.TW for anorexia, EDNOS, bulimia, suicidal thoughts, self-harm, self hatred, angst, and BDD.
Relationships: Tenth Doctor & Rose Tyler, Tenth Doctor/Donna Noble, Tenth Doctor/Martha Jones, Tenth Doctor/Rose Tyler, The Doctor/Jack Harkness
Comments: 22
Kudos: 42





	1. Resolution

"This man is too thin! You hug him, you get a paper cut!"  
The Doctor tried to hide his grin with a passive remark, "Oh. Thought you two were arguing."  
He was aware that Donna kept talking, but he was caught up in his thoughts to pay her any mind. 'She told me I was skinny, that's progress.' He smiled, almost euphoric. He hadn't eaten for thirteen days and sixteen hours, and it seems like it did something for him. 

His unhealthy eating habits were set ablaze as his previous incarnation, a few harmless comments from Rose Tyler. She'd jokingly say he was packing on winter weight for when they explored the moons together, and it built up and the Doctor thought it was more serious than she was letting on. Thus, he decided he'd go on a diet. Eating wasn't as important for time lords, more of a business formality or family occasion. Still, every being needed nutrients to survive- ones that the Doctor refused himself. His already thin limbs bordered on gangly, and he noticed that his suit jacket felt just a smidge looser. The Doctor didn't have a scale and he didn't want to be humiliated by buying one, so he had to estimate his weight. Around 130. Rose really wasn't kidding, he felt horrible. The thought of Rose hurt him but all in the same motivated him. He'd become thin for Rose, and who knows? Maybe the universe will rip a hole in itself and he'll be able to visit her. He wanted her to be proud of him, not just the metacrisis clone of sorts she had already. He's the original and he was determined to be better.


	2. Why'd she keep me around?

It has been exactly one month since the Doctor has stopped eating, and it was taking its toll. As a genius, he wanted to inspect and record his results logically. He stripped down to his undershirt and boxers, and stared at himself in a full body mirror in the TARDIS. He scanned his face, which was thinner and more hollow than before. His collarbones stuck out, and they didn't before. His gaze wandered down, and he could see the outline of his ribs. He scowled, knowing he could do better. The TARDIS groaned in disapproval of her owner being this way. "No need for that!" He called out. "Girly, would you get me a scale?" The Doctor called out again, now quieter. After a minute, the hallway glowed. He followed it outside and into a bathroom, where he found a scale that was in your floor. He stepped on the tile and watched the numbers fluctuate. 

"125. God, why did Rose keep me around? I'll fix this, because I'm the Doctor. I'll fix it and she'll see me again and she'll love the real me." The words were one of a madman with magical thoughts, but the Doctor grew to be selfish over the years of being alone. Donna helped, but it was clear they were just friends. Rose was more, and the right amount of it. She could never be replaced and nobody knew that better than the Doctor.


	3. I'll be Fine.

"Doctor, where are you?" Donna called loudly, wandering around the TARDIS. "You're in here, yeah?" 

The Doctor was in barely any clothing, and he whipped around in a panic. "Uh, give me a minute, Donna!" He tried, quickly locking the door. Soon, Donna reached that door and knocked, the door swinging wide open.

"Wha- Donna! Get out!" The Doctor whipped to the door in a frenzy and slammed it shut. "Bad girl!" He hissed, directed at the TARDIS. She only groaned and whirred in response. The Doctor's hands were shaking, his adrenaline levels spiked. He threw his suit back on and opened the door.

DONNA'S POV- 

The door swung open on my first knock, which shocked me. What shocked me more was when I saw the Doctor, without a real shirt on. He looked gangly and bony. My eyes quickly scanned him, noticing his ribs sticking out and arms too defined around his elbows. I couldn't ask him why he looked like that before he slammed the door on me. "Rude," I scoffed, before my eyes softened with concern. I crossed my arms and waited outside the bathroom door, determined to ask him why he looked so skinny. I knew he was naturally thin, but this was out of hand. 

THIRD PERSON, DOCTOR'S POV-

The Doctor walked out of the bathroom while straightening his tie, ignoring his shaky hands. He didn't make it far before running into Donna, who looked angry. "I meant to lock the door, but the TARDIS obviously didn't want that. Pervert." The Doctor stared disapprovingly at the floor. "Doctor, it's not about that. I want to know, why you look the way you do. All, weird and unnatural." Donna really didn't know how to phrase her confrontation, the result of her mouth moving faster than her brain.

The Doctor freezes up at that, deeply misunderstanding the root of the women's concern. 'She knows I'm overweight, as well. Rose was right. Of course she was, she isn't stupid. She won't think I'm stupid either, if I lose this weight and get back to her. Will I even be able to face her like this? I have a way to go if I think I'll be able to see her again.' The Doctor was spaced out, not noticing Donna waving her hand in his face.

"...OW! What was that?"  
"I had to slap you, dumbo! You weren't responding to me at all!" 

"Oh.. sorry," the Doctor rubbed his cheek. "And I'm fine. It'll be fine soon, Donna, I'll get better." He offered a small smile, hiding the hurt he felt from Donna knowing he was ugly as well. "Anyway, how do you feel about taking a trip home for a bit?"

After a minute of convincing Donna he was okay, she agreed and left to greet Wilfred on the hill. Wilfred was joyful as usual, and the Doctor didn't object when he was given a salute. 

He got back into his ship and went into orbit around a nearby star, giving himself time to think as he harnessed fuel. 

He examined his body closely again, pinching at skin that enveloped his ribs. "Geez, that's just disgusting." The Doctor sneered at his reflection. He swore to himself that he'll take a month off from sering any of his companions, and will use that time to lose weight. He'll excercise for 10 hours, and only allow himself water. He smiled at his plan.


	4. Under Pressure

123\. 120. 118. 115. 110.  
The number kept going down, the Doctor knew that should be good. He stuck to his word, not a single piece of food entering his alien system. His weight going down was always progress. So why did it never feel like enough? He still felt his skin protruding out of him, his hand bones never visible enough. The only thing that could keep him going was rubbing his torso, counting each rib as he moved down. 

"One, two, the four.." the Doctor whispered softly to himself. His skin was paler than usual, and he noticed it during his next body check. "Comes with not going out." He reassured himself, resolving that he was fine. "And it doesn't even matter! I'm not even human." He called out, his voice ringing in his large control room. 

After a moment, it was like a little voice reminded him that the Metacrisis version of him existed, and he wanted to scream. So he did. The Doctor wailed in agony, letting his knees buckle and fall to the floor. "He's so much better than me. He's even human. Human, human, HUMAN!" He sobbed on the cold metal floor. It took him well over three hours to even muster the will to get up. He trudged to the lever, grasping it softly. "This isn't enough progress. I know it isn't. But maybe I should talk to Donna, maybe she'll get my moods up." He contemplated. With that, the TARDIS phased out of sight and landed in a specific part of London. 

Before he could walk to the porch, Donna's mother saw him exit his ship. "Doctor? Been such a while, thought you'd abandoned her!" She said, exasperation clear in her tone.

"I wouldn't do that to Donna. And what do you mean? I've only taken about a month. No, less. Nah, a month." The Doctor's arched eyebrows were furrowed.

"Are you daft? You took double that time!" 

"Did I really? I'll go in and apologize to her, then." With a slight nod, the Doctor entered the house calling out his companion's name. 

"I'm here!" Donna called from upstairs. He could hear her footsteps as she came quickly down the staircase, which was impressive due to her wearing heels.

"Oh, fancy! You going on a date?"  
"Oh shut up, it was just another interview. I got fired the same blessed day that hospital got sent to the moon!" The redhead rolled her eyes. The paused that followed is when Donna really took in what the Doctor currently looked like. "You look like a stick!" The words escaped her mouth before she processed her own words. The Doctor seemed taken aback, pulling on his tan trenchcoat tighter. "I've got no idea what you're talking about, Donna. I'm perfectly normal. Time lords are better and stronger, I don't know how you people tick!"

"As you keep saying, spaceboy." She rolled her eyes dramatically. 

"Anyway, I'm fine. Don't worry about me."

"You said that last time, and now you're worse off." 

The Doctor felt a pang of heartbreak at that remark. "You don't have to point it out." He mumbled softly, making his way to walk out of the house. Donna followed suit, her concern eating at her. "No! Doctor, wait! Let's eat dinner first." She said, in a way that was clear the time lord could not get out of this situation. 

"No, seriously, I need to leave. You know how many planets there are that need my help." That was completely out of the Doctor's character, he knew that, and Donna spotted the lie straight away. 

"They can wait. Because you have a machine that can go back to fix things." She shrugged.

Donna led the Doctor to their dining table, before calling out to her mom that the Doctor will be joining them for a meal.

Wilf walked in, smiling. "'Ello! That's good then, we made enough for all of us, eh!" He helped Donna bring out the meal- a rottisre chicken and various other sides, like vegetables and potatoes. The Doctor felt repulsed just sitting near the food- not do demean their cooking, but he just saw it as a pile of calories that will set him back. The family passed the food around, taking hearty amounts of food to their heart's content. When it was passed to the Doctor, he squirmed and bit his lip. "Thank you," he forced out. With that, he grabbed his fork and took the smallest slice, and minimal amounts of anything else. The only thing that he took a relatively normal portion of was the vegetables- he knew those were a substantially better food for him to eat in the case of needing to. He passed the food to Donna, who was staring at him with a stern expression in her eyes. He gulped a bit, but insisted she took the plate with another thrust at her. Huffing, Donna obliged and slapped down the dinner on her jarred plate. 

The Doctor still felt a twinge of fear at seeing Donna angry. He knew that any of his old companions would have let it go- Sarah Jane, Martha Jones, they would all just go along with what he says. Even Rose would likely relent. In fact, Rose would probably encourage him to keep going. He was doing good, wasn't he? 

Donna would nearly have smacked him in the head if he hadn't snapped out of his trance and ducked in the nick of time.  
"Geez!"  
"Again?"  
"Sorry!"

The most important woman in the universe rolled her eyes and gestured her fork to prompt the Doctor to eat.

He stabbed a few peas with his fork, slowly jamming it into his mouth. He must have chewed it about fifty times before swallowing, hiding a sour expression. He continued this pattern, answering a few questions from Wilf as he stalled for time. By the time the Noble family finished, the Doctor had eaten about 20% of the small portion he took. He quickly stood up, offering to take everyone's plates to the kitchen. He rushed off, throwing his dinner away. Donna watched him, knowing that something was up. But she knew not to confront him in front of her family. When he came back, all she did was sigh. "Let's go then, shall we?"


	5. The Stolen Earth

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> By the way, a reader that I did not get the name of corrected an error I made on this story (I published chapter 4 twice) and I didn't get to thank them before I deleted the chapter. Thank you so much, I wouldn't have noticed myself. :) Anyway, please enjoy this new chapter.

The Doctor was relieved to see that Donna had seemed to let the subject of his body go. Why couldn't she see that he was trying to fix himself? Nevertheless, he grinned with a little affirmation. "Thank you for having me over. We'll come back." He nodded to Wilf. With that, the duo left and got into the TARDIS with the familiar squeak of the door.   
-  
-  
(Timeskip: 2 months.  
A/N: using plot of The Stolen Earth to reunite Rose and The Doctor, but will not be canon compliant.)

The Earth was teleported out of its spatial location, along with 26 other planets. The Doctor sent out a message to the Shadow Proclamation, and tried to gather his companions who were scattered around London. He was able to trace the signal, but so were the Daleks. Thankfully for them, the Doctor was able to locate Earth in a temporally desynchronised pocket universe. "Okay, we need to leave now." The Doctor gestured for Donna to leave, and the two walked out of the TARDIS. "Like a ghost town." Donna breathed. 

"Sarah Jane said they were taking the people. The Daleks." The Doctor paused. "Think, Donna. You met Rose, in that parallel universe. What did she say?"

"Just... the darkness is coming." 

"Anything else?" The Doctor asked, searching for information from her eyes.

"Why don't you ask her yourself?"

The Doctor furrowed his eyebrows, tilting his head in frustration, only being met by a smile from Donna. Confused, he looked towards the street and saw the far-away silhouette of Rose.

'It can't be,' he thought. But he barely finished that thought before bursting out into a run. His boney legs were taking him as fast as he possibly could, having to slow down so his knees wouldn't buckle. He lost a substantial amount of weight, he knew he had more to go but he felt happy with where he was now, too. He was in a state of happiness until he heard a familiar shrill yell.

"EXTERMINATE!" The Doctor barely had time to whip his head around and slow his pace before getting shot with the Dalek's laser, flooring him instantly. He was seeing stars before hearing a particle gun go off- someone must have killed it. The Doctor was coughing and shaking when Rose collapsed at his side. 

"I've got you. I missed you. Look, I'm right here." The blonde cried, her mascara running. 

"Rose... long time no see." He smiled weakly.

"Yeah, I know. I've been busy, y'know. Please, don't die. Oh my god, please don't die."

"GHHAH!" The Doctor screamed, his consciousness fading. 

"Get him to the TARDIS!" Jack Harkness called out, helping prop up the time lord. Jack and Rose exchanged worried glances as they carried the Doctor to the ship- he was too light. Rose herself could have carried him to the TARDIS with no problem, which concerned her. They got him inside and only watched over him. It was more than an hour later when he came back to his bearings. As soon as he opened his tired brown eyes, he saw his yellow hands. "Ggh... it's starting. It's starting." He whispered. Rose jumped up at the activity and was immediately by his side. 

"Rose, listen to me! Get back. The Doctor is dying, you know what happens next." Jack said sternly.

Rose stumbled back, crying harder than she had before. The Doctor looked at her with a small smile. In his head, all he was thinking about, was to stay the same. This was the body he made progress with. 'Thinner. Thinner. Thinner.' The thought rang in his head as he burst into golden flames. The TARDIS made a few noises that couldn't be healthy for it, even the Doctor heard that. The golden aura died down and he was back to the same body. "Oh, brilliant." The Doctor quickly inspected his hands and noticed how his bones protruded just that much father, how his thighs didn't touch at all, and how his back felt bonier. The Doctor passed out before he could count his ribs.


	6. You Need Change

Rose's eyes were fixed on the time lord, her concern matching Donna's. Her blonde hair whipped towards the ginger woman. "What happened to him? Why is he so skinny?" She pleaded, desperate for answers.   
"I don't know, I thought you would. I tried getting him to eat once. Months ago. And he barely touched a thing."   
Even Jack was staying away from the same Doctor that he was usually extremely attracted to. He seemed like a different person altogether. His suit didn't fit him and his hair was becoming wiry and thin. That was one of Jack's favorite features about him, and it was practically lifeless now. The captain nodded, "I guess we'll have to wait until he wakes up. Any loose daleks shouldn't be able to get through the TARDIS doors." Jack cracked a weak smile. "That Doctor, too vain to even regenerate right."  
The trio informed Sarah Jane about their situation, then waited for the Doctor to snap back to life.  
-  
-  
-  
Where am I? All at once, it felt like a thousand bustling souls going straight into my body at once, making my tired eyes open. I was inside the TARDIS, and thankfully I wasn't woken up before I should be. I sat up, but a gentle hand pushed me back down. I was lying on Rose's lap. I noticed she looked concerned, so I tried to defuse her worries with a, "Hello."  
"Hello, Doctor." She sniffled, wiping her eye with her hand.   
I tried to smile. "Hello."  
"We are not starting this," Rose drew a tight and strained grin.

I sat up and looked around, locking eyes with Captain Jack. "Harkness," I started. He didn't say anything, just crouched next to me. Donna joined a second after. "What's going on?" I made eye contact with each of them, my scattered brain searching for answers. 

"We need to talk seriously about an issue that's bothering us. And I know this isn't an ideal time, but we need answers."

I raised an angry eyebrow at the Captain. "About what?"

"Why you're starving yourself to look like this. All skin and bones." 

I felt myself stiffen, which prompted Rose to take my hand in hers. I didn't move a muscle before uttering out, "I'm not doing what you think. I'm fine. Besides, it's not like it's a danger to me yet. Time lords are more resilient than almost any other race."

"That excuse is tired, Doctor! You've said that and you keep losing more and more weight that you can't even afford to lose! You were already so skinny, and now you're as thin as a rail!" Donna shouted. 

"I can't be less than a hundred pounds, you know. I'm still the same me, just better."

"Better? Doctor, your body scares me. I barely recognize you. Your back is so bony, your face is sunken in and your skin is paler than I've ever seen it before. You look like a corpse." Rose sniffled.

"I DID THIS FOR YOU!" I screamed, standing up suddenly. I ignored the light headed feeling it gave me, a wave of nausea making me want to sit back down. But I didn't show that, just stared into her worried eyes. "THIS WAS ALL FOR YOU. YOU ALWAYS SAID THAT I COULD- COULD, LOSE WEIGHT, OR THAT I WAS BECOMING TOO THICK. THEY WEREN'T JOKES, NOW, WERE THEY? MY METACRISIS FORM IS BETTER THAN ME, I ALREADY KNOW HE IS." The room was dead silent, you couldn't slice through the tension with even a knife.  
-  
-  
(Third person POV)  
-  
-  
Rose's face scrunched up, her entire body seeming to crumple in on itself. She brought her legs up to her torso and wrapped her arms around herself. She held herself as she cried, "I never meant for you to do any of this! You've become so underweight, Doctor, it scares me!" The Doctor reacted to this, quickly moving himself to hug her. But Rose felt his ribs through both their clothes, and she flinched away. The Doctor could swear he felt his hearts break. 

Jack pat his back, leading the time lord away from the weeping girl. "She needs time. And you need to change."

"That's what I've been doing for the last half a year."

"Different change. We'll help you get on a healthier path. And it'll include you gaining some weight back." Noticing the Doctor grimace at those words, he frowned. "You need to, Doctor. Your body won't even be strong enough to regenerate if you keep going. We're all worried about you, but we aren't going anywhere. We're here every step of the way." 

"Okay." His raspy voice managed, after a moment.


	7. Food Trip

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry if this is short, but I'll be sure to continue later. :)

Donna comforted Rose, rubbing her back as she cried. "He'll be okay, that spaceman. He always is, isn't he?" Jack informed the two that the Doctor was willing to be helped, and the two women nodded and grasped each other. Even if they weren't close, they knew how much one another cared for the man.  
.  
.  
(Timeskip: the next day)  
.  
.  
The need for information gnawed at her, as she pointedly searched the sentence, 'why won't my friend eat?'. Donna had looked into the Doctor's symptoms, and sucked in a breath of air as she read the likely diagnosis- anorexia. Pushing her emotions aside, she read up on the symptoms and how to help someone with the illness. The article acknowledged that it may not help, since anorexia damaged the person's own perception of themselves. "No matter how much weight they lose, they still think it isn't enough." Donna read, whispering out loud. She frowned, knowing that applied to her friend. "This is rubbish." She was out at a small restaurant, to get food for the others. Donna volunteered because she wanted to get a breath of air, outside the suffocating atmosphere in the TARDIS. She sighed, turning her phone off and walking back with a plastic bag of Chinese food. 

She walked past the shops that used to be littered in Christmas decorations and trees. It reminded her of when those flame breathing Santa robots attacked her, the first time she met the Doctor. Donna shivered, knowing he wasn't even happy then since he'd just lost Rose. 'Was the Doctor ever happy when I was with him?' The thought nagged at her, but she whipped her hair back and kept strutting forward quickly, as if to outrun those thoughts. The clacking of her high heels against the pavement grounded her in reality long enough to see the TARDIS in the distance. She broke into a sprint, fully running now. Bursting through the doors, she traded the sense of anxiety for the familiar tension. So many things left unsaid in the TARDIS, and it collected in the air. Rose and Jack looked at the woman as if she was mad, which she might as well be. She huffed and set down the bag onto the couch, which the two were sitting on opposite sides on. Donna sat in the middle as she passed them heaping plates of food. There was one left in the bag, and Rose got up to excuse herself to talk to the Doctor. "Be careful with him, alright?" Donna nodded, and Jack agreed. "We don't want to make him any worse than he is, so keep him calm."   
With that, Rose grabbed both of their food and headed to his room in the phone box.


	8. Barrier

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I think I'll settle for a bit shorter chapters, so I can do more frequent updates. And yes, there is a part that is a parallel to *that* scene.

"Hello," Rose knocked quietly on the Doctor's shut door. "Rose." Came a muffled voice, from the other side. The blonde noticed that his voice was fragile and quiet. She had even heard a voice crack, vulnerability that she had never really known from the time lord. It made her heart ache, and she carefully dropped the bag with their food. Leaning on the door, she closed her eyes and tried to fight back the wave of tears. It felt like she had lost the Doctor- at least the one she knew. She heard the door creak, and realized the Doctor must be leaning on it as well. Rose let out a choked sobbing noise, and it must have alarmed the Doctor enough to quickly open the door between them. Rose fell into his arms, and the two let themselves lower onto the floor. He was holding her in his arms in an effort to make her feel better, but her crying only increased as she felt herself push against his bones. After a few minutes, she found it in her to push herself off and grab the bag that was next to them. "Do you think that you could eat with me?" 

The Doctor's heartrate increased, and soon his chest was visibly rising and falling. "Ye...yeah. Of course. Anything for you, Rose." His words were quick and unsure, threatening to shake. He tried to reassure her with a nod. 

"Good. Good. Let's get off the floor then, yeah?" She stood and helped her companion up. He took her hand with a small grin. 

The two sat on the bed, Rose making sure to position herself across from the Doctor as opposed to right next to him. She was humming a song she'd heard from the Ood. Meanwhile, the Doctor was doing furious calculations in his head. He had estimated about 700 calories in the plate, and it made him want to gag. It seemed illogical for Rose to encourage him to eat. He excused himself to grab water, and formulated a plan in his mind. A faint memory tugged at him, a method of getting rid of calories in your body. Purging, is what they call it. He contemplated it for a few seconds, before squeezing his hands together tightly. "Yeah." With that, he grabbed two cups of water and headed back to his blonde. 

"Hey. Got you water." He smiled as he passed the glass to her. The two sat, and the Doctor felt comforted by his plan. He used his plastic knife and fork to cut up the food into many tiny pieces. It took him a while, enough for Rose to be halfway done. She kept an eye on him suspiciously, but said nothing. He ate a few bites, all spaced out, and chewed it methodically. Rose lost track of how many times he chewed just a forkful of noodles. She was about to ask what he was doing, before he set his plate down and plastered a grin on his face. "That was really good, wasn't it? I'm gonna pop to the bathroom, I'll be back in a bit. You can go to the control room, though. I think Donna's going to force a kiss from Jack if they're left alone for any longer." He smiled, tucking a piece of long hair behind her ear. "Be back." The Doctor hopped up, forcing as much energy as he could into his movements, and headed to the restroom. He collapsed as soon as he reached it, using his long legs to move the door shut. Breathing labored, he took off his tie and rolled up his right sleeve. He looked at it, for a moment. The hand that was cut off and regrown. It always freaked Rose out. It was disgusting and unnatural. The Doctor grimaced and shoved it down his throat, using his fingers to prod the back of his throat. He already felt weird, but he knew it would take a lot more to make him vomit. His immune system was more sturdy than most races, and even after laboring for ten minutes, he couldn't make himself even gag. Giving up, the Doctor removed his hand and stood up shakily. He glared at himself in the mirror, and resigned to spitting in the sink. He'd have to find a better way to get rid of the calories.


	9. Blind

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the wait, if anyone is still reading! I re-watched a few season 2 episodes and got inspired. I have plans for the next chapter.

The Doctor felt fatigued and his shoulders dropped at the thought of having to face all of his companions. No, his friends. They care about him so much, and it didn't sense to him. He couldn't keep Rose around and safe, she'd been lost in a parallel dimension for what felt like an eternity, even for him. It crushed his heart to see the look of trust they all gave him before going along with one of his plans that he made up on the spot. But they don't always work, and he doesn't always think things through. And it has serious consequences for not just himself, but others. He cringed at old, buried memories of all of his mistakes. It made his skin crawl. He rubbed his thin arms and pressed his hands against his torso. He felt each of his ribs and counted them as he calmed himself down. He felt his hearts slow as he slowly felt more grounded to reality. Exhaling slowly, the Doctor left the safety of the bathroom and headed to the main control room. The three looked at him, a fake causality falling onto their faces. All the same expression, which may have looked genuine to a young and unwise soul. He saw beneath the facade, knowing how this must have been rehearsed by the group. It made him scowl slightly in distaste, but he took a seat on a couch-like cushioned seat anyway. He faced across the three, but didn't look at them. Kicking his legs up, his dull brown eyes were fixated on a pressurized tube moving on its own. 

"Doctor?" A soft voice called out.

"Doctor? Are you alright?" Another voice.

This was exhausting for all of us. "I understand, okay? I get it. This is all just- just stress, right? You're all just on edge, and none of you can even fake being calm right now. And for what?" He was on his feet at this point, he'd noticed. Breathing also seemed harder.

"For a good man." Jack said firmly.

"No, for, for an alien who you blindly trust, you just completely put your life in, for no actual reason? I just kidnap good people and call them companions, I can't save anyone." He remembered the crew he tried to save from Mars, and what the captain told him. What he was doing, all wrong. And she was right. Being the time lord victorious like he'd claimed was nothing for him to flaunt. It was a shameful title because of how he got it. He was just a burden of killing and making irreversible mistakes. 

The Doctor let out a pained, forced laugh that seemed forced to cover pain. Donna scrunched her face up and had to cover her mouth with her hand. 

"I'll," the Doctor hesitated. Instead of continuing his sentence, he forced himself over to the control panels. The intricate technology, cold under his even colder fingertips. Without much warning, he suddenly pulled the lever down and sent them to a familiar part of Earth- Donna's street. The woman whipped her head toward him, giving him a look. "Are you crazy? I can't leave you when you're like this!" The Doctor only grinned.  
"Oh, no, I'll be fine!" He led her out, grasping her painted hands with his bony ones. He hoped Donna wouldn't notice his hand muscles' recent tendency to shake. If she did, she said nothing about it. "Believe me. I'll be back to pick you up for more travelling, Donna. I promise. I wouldn't just leave my best friend like that. You're not getting rid of me that easily." Slowly, relief washed over the women's face, and she reluctantly smiled. "Yeah, better. See you then, spaceman." 

The Doctor walked back into the TARDIS, making an effort to not make any eye contact. "Where shall I drop you off, Jack?" The captain said nothing, with only a skeptical raised eyebrow as a reply. "Don't start, I'm really fine. You heard what I said, I'll be back. I just have some unresolved business I need to get to."  
"Fine. Torchwood, then." The man took two minutes to talk. The Doctor didn't comment on that, only nodded and pulled his levers. It barely took a few seconds before the Doctor exited, Jack right behind. The Doctor re-entered the TARDIS, but not without a cheeky kiss from Jack. His brown eyes flicked to Rose. She was stuck in his universe- with her family all on her alternate one. Pete's world. His heart felt like it was getting torn apart when he realized she was alone. Will be, anyway. His throat felt clogged, and he started breathing unsteadily. "Oh, god." He whispered. Rose only approached him then, with an uncertain smile on her face. "Are you alright?"  
His hazy brown eyes were out of focus. "Of course."


	10. The Calm

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> If you're here only for angst, just give it time.

The Doctor smiled sadly, a thin line forced across his troubled face. "Alright, Rose. It's been a long day for you, yeah?"  
Rose nodded, her shoulders tense. He considered offering the TARDIS' variety of bedrooms, but none of them were enough to accommodate the amount of stress she has been through. The bedrooms here were very below par, because the Doctor never really was one for sleeping away his days. Besides, maybe being on her original Earth will do the girl good. 

"Do you want to stay at a nice hotel, then? Nicest one in London! And I'll pay for it." The Doctor was preoccupied with the TARDIS controls for a moment before looking up. He expected to meet a lighthearted tone, instead Rose looked annoyed.

"What's wrong?"  
"You're acting tired of us."  
"Us?"  
"Us, Doctor. Your companions. You're shooing us off."  
"No such thing, I promise. You just deserve a nice night's sleep."

Rose lifted an eyebrow, not budging. "Oh, alright. And where will you be? I'm not letting you be all alone, Doctor." 

He realized how much she meant that. She really was going to refuse any of his attempts to get out of it. "Alright, alright. I'll come with you." With a grin, he spinned his wheel and pushed down a button. He sent them to Rose's time period, where she would be most comfortable in. No Victorian nights or stays in Italy for this situation. The Doctor found a very esteemed and fancy hotel in London that he knew Rose would find brilliant. The TARDIS was parked a few blocks away, which Rose found peculiar. 

"Oh, just so I can pick up money!" The Doctor exclaimed when he took notice, sprinting out in the opposite and using his sonic screwdriver to get all of the money from a nearby ATM. He felt so out of breath from the activity, and decided to walk back. His ribs had started to ache, which he felt only frustrated by. His superior biology should be preventing all of his internal pains and aches. He finally made it back to Rose, who was grinning. Oh, he would miss that. That was one of his favorite things about Rose, her giant smile. She was beautiful. Dare he say, perfect. Her skin gleamed in the light, even now. She seemed rather unaffected by time, which made him internally laugh. By the time he came back to his senses, Rose was looking at him with a raised eyebrow. "Right!" The Doctor carefully slapped down the large amount of currency into Rose's upturned palm. 

The pair walked in, the Doctor making a point to take wider steps to look careless. Rose walked with him, nudging her hand close so they could intertwine. His brown eyes jolted for a moment, before calming down and lacing their fingers together. As soon as they got to the desk, Rose took half of the stack of pounds and set it on the desk. "One room, please!" The Doctor said loudly.

"Will that be one or two beds, sir?"  
"One."  
"What?" Rose's eyes seemed to accuse him with no other words.  
"Trust me. Talk about it later." He dismissed, all too casually.  
The two's staring contest was cut short by the jingling of keys from the employee, waiting for them to take it.  
"Thank you," the Doctor glanced at the boy's name tag. "Alonso." 

With that, the pair got into the lift and pressed the button for one of the highest floors in the building. The ride took a long time, and the tension between them felt suffocating. Rose didn't know what else to do, so she moved her arm under the Doctor's, and initiated a hug. It wasn't comfortable, for either of them. His ribs were sticking out- and the Doctor wasn't emotionally prepared for any physical touch, which made him stiffen and his hands became sweaty. Still, the blonde didn't let go until the ding came from the elevator, signaling it was their floor. 

"We're here." The Doctor's voice was muffled against the top of her head. He outstretched his arm to hold the button that'd keep the door open.  
"Doctor, why did you only get one bed? You're acting so strange, what's going on? You're not going to leave me, are you?" Her voice was high, clearly trying to hide the desire to cry. "Nothing, swear it on my hearts. I thought we could share." The brunette looked down at his blonde with warm eyes. Rose smiled as she felt reassured, and pulled the thin time lord out of the lift. He complied quickly, heading in a beeline towards their room. The two were hit by a wave of cool air as the room was opened. "Whoa, this is amazing!" Rose immediately jumped onto the big, plush bed that took up half of the spacious room. She giggled as the Doctor joined her, grabbing a pillow and relaxing. There was a moment of silence. 

"Aghk!" The Doctor exclaimed. His shrill voice was barely heard, from the pillow thrown onto his head. "Hah!" Rose let out her hearty laugh, the one he missed for years, which meant the Doctor couldn't stay annoyed. He only threw it off him, and across the room. It flopped down against the corner wall with a soft thud. The Doctor grabbed another pillow but instead of taking revenge, he placed it onto Rose's lap and rested his elbows on it. He then propped his head up with his arms, turning to face his companion. "Rose Tyler, I love you." The words felt foreign on his tongue. It was so human of him. The Doctor made a noise, "Ghk-" to start taking his words back, but Rose cut him off. "I love you too, Doctor." Her eyes threatened to spill burning hot tears. "I missed you so incredibly much." Her voice cracked. The two both reached for one another, the two embraced tightly with their arms clinging for dear life. 

It took a while for Rose to settle her shaky breaths, even with the help of the time lord. He could only lie with her and hold her hand, and letting her squeeze his hand with an astonishing amount of strength at times. 8:45 was when Rose was comfortably tucked underneath the Doctor's arm, lying against his chest.


	11. The Storm

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for not updating in a bit. If any of you need to talk or vent, my IG is @parapng and my Doctor Who amino account is here http://aminoapps.com/p/s447vx . Feel free to DM me on either.

Rose woke up groggily, her blonde hair a bird's nest. She felt cold- no body heat curled up next to her. The feeling immediately made her frown. She worker up the effort to sit up, where she scanned the huge hotel room. The pillow that was thrown across the floor in her and the Doctor's fun wasn't there. She glanced to the other side of the bed, that had it propped up against the mattress neatly. The bedstand, just against the mattress, had a paper there that she didn't remember. Rose threw the thick covers off her and snatched it as she turned the lamp on. The writing was scratchy and rushed, which made her suspicion grow. Next to it, was a rather thick stack of money. Did the Doctor have an emergency he had to leave for?

"ROSE TYLER- 

I'M SORRY FOR LEAVING, ROSE. I KNOW YOU'LL BE ANGRY. I DIDN'T HAVE THE HEART TO WAKE YOU UP. YOU WOULD PROBABLY HAVE STOPPED ME, ANYWAY. THE CURRENCY SHOULD LAST YOU FOR MONTHS. IT'S TO USE IF I DON'T COME BACK. WHICH IS MY PLAN, I ADMIT. BUT I'M SO SO SORRY. I LOVE YOU.

\- THE DOCTOR" 

The last few sentences were written the worst. Rose was shaking like a leaf, having a panic attack. "No, no. This isn't real. He, no, would never leave like this," Her voice was panicked and quick, words tumbling over each other. "I love you. I love you." Through tears, Rose grabbed her phone and dialed Donna. Luckily for her, Donna was her most recent call, since the woman made a test call when they exchanged contact information. Donna picked up after a few rings, but the time still ramped up Rose's panic. 

"Hello? Rose? It's 11 at night, what're you calling for?" The voice was raspy and abrasive through the reciever. Rose found herself unable to form a sentence through the involuntary sobbing and sniffing. "Rose, what's wrong? Did someone hurt you?" The woman sounded a lot more awake now. 

"Th-he Doctor," Rose hiccupped. "Left me. He's gone and.. and dead. No." 

Silence. The air was miserable and silent, aside from the quiet sobbing. Then, "Where are you, Rose? I'll come there." The blonde was able to tell her, though it took a minute to stomach saying the long, fancy hotel name. "Okay. I'll get there as soon as I can." 

Donna left in her night clothes, with only her shoes put on as she left. Her car lit up and immediately pulled out of her driveway, breaking many safety laws. Since it was night, Donna was able to speed through the roads without much risk. Her grip on the steering wheel turned her knuckles white, and sweat started to bead on her forehead. 

Arriving at the hotel, Donna threw herself out of the seat and slammed the door, running into the main lobby. She was greeted by a startled night shift worker.   
"Oi! I need to know what room a guest is in. My friend. Rose Tyler." She said between breaths. 

The employee instinctively scanned the sheet. "Ma'am, I'm not allowed to share personal i-"

"This is an emergency! Please, I've rushed here in the middle of night for this! I'm still in my night clothes! The guest staying was in too bad a state to tell me what room she's staying in."

The worker sighed "527." 

Without even a thanks, Donna sprinted to the elevators and spammed the up button. She rushed inside and got to the 5th floor. Running down the hallway, she scanned the room numbers on each door until she got to Rose's. The woman started knocking hard, threatening to bring the entire door down. When Rose didn't open it after a brief pause, Donna felt around her hair to see if she had any bobby pins straying in it. No luck for her, which made her groan in frustration. Finally, the door made a clicking noise as it unlocked. Donna's head snapped to attention as she looked at the tear stained girl that looked in shambles in front of her. "Oh, Rose." Donna pushed in and enveloped the blonde in a reassuring hug.


End file.
